Steroids, soup and surgery, oh my!!! 2/20/99
- A week ago my gastroenterologist put me on a liquids-only diet, to rest my poor, belaboured, Crohn's Disease-affected intestine. What a nightmare! As if having an Inflammatory Bowel Disease
isn't torment enough for a person who gets such sensual enjoyment from simply eating a good meal...sheesh! Today is Day 7, and I've already lost 10 pounds (which is, in some ways, a good thing), most of it gained just recently when I had to go back on
Prednisone to try to manage the disease.I'm trying desperately to keep everything together and remain serene and smiling, but sometimes it just gets to me. The steroids give me horrific insomnia, and I have to take
sleeping pills
that knock me out just so I can get 4 hours sleep every now and again. Not having any food and being on all these meds has me feeling rather dizzy and light-headed today, so I'll hope my site updates are ok and not all disjointed and weird (which is the way I feel). There are other side-effects of Prednisone that are no damned picnic either: Weight gain (I need that like a hole in the head!), mood swings, constant hunger, loss of bone density, and all sorts of other neat things like liver damage and arthritis. Even
going off the evil stuff has serious side-effects.The fact of the matter is, it's too late to manage the disease with simple drug therapy at this point. I must have surgery
soon, but at least this time it's not an emergency (at the moment anyhow). I can actually almost CHOOSE when I'm going to go in, so I can perhaps finish the training in Networking that I've waited so long to get and is starting on 3/1/99. I'm supposed to be done with the training and have my
certifications by the end of June, and I'm hoping I can
just hang in there long enough to complete it. I'm investigating the possibility that this resection can be done with a laparoscopic surgery, a far less invasive and traumatic procedure than being slit from liver to gizzard the old-fashioned way. Sometimes I just don't know if I have enough energy left to tough it out, though. Whether I feel like ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag or like a million bucks, the
daily tasks of living must be accomplished, and sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't just go under the knife right now and get it over with and spare myself and everyone else around me some agony. These days my life is very scary. There are so many things for which I am responsible, and other things I'm so far behind in that I'm afraid I'll never catch up. It's
never easy for a control freak to admit to vulnerability or to ask for help. I also have to admit that I'm more than a little pissed off that I'm so sick just when I'm FINALLY all
set to go to school. The timing couldn't possibly be worse, all things considered. I suppose I should look on the bright side and say at least I'm not dead. Well, maybe I'll do
that tomorrow. Today is just not a bright side kinda day. For now, however, I'll just do a few updates and immerse myself in work to distract me from the pain. Here's
hoping it all comes out for the best.
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